mizmich's Diaryland Diary

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So so stuck

I have been planning to set the right foot this time round, and start off the right way.
Maybe I'm too paranoid about trying not screw up, and i'll be so dead on trying to make things right.

Its not like this you know. I've never felt this way before(or so i think).
I just dont want to screw things up anymore.

Jane said she was worried I might have gotten into the wrong course because I was saying how I couldn't draw to save my life.
And then I see my groupmates and their sketches.
Then I think about how paranoid I'm acting. Planning to research for my next individual presentation before the teacher briefed us on anything.
And lynn says she can tell that I'm damn scared about my work and i'm working too hard for my own good..

Its not that my groupmates arent good you know.
In fact we're going along not bad.. but its just that, maybe we all should just pay more attention to what each of us are saying/doing because things can get a little frustrating at times.

its so confusing as to explain how I'm feeling because I don't feel right.
I'm afraid I'm gonna lose some part of myself along the way.

This feeling just grips you and then you just wanna scream all sorts of profanities but you just gotta keep your cool because THERE'S NOTHING you can put the blame on.
Maybe its just me but this whole poly thing is like a sticky situation.
Like I'm walking on blindly, not knowing a single shit.

Carin says we should be related.. yeah maybe we should.
We're like comfort buddies or telepathic buddies or something.

ok i'm out man. gotta wash my face.
Man, life sucks sometimes huh

*

this is the added on entry because I thought diaryland took away the previous entry so i typed another.

fucking entry.

shit happens man.
SDGHSLGSKDJGLSKGJSLGKSJ

*

I was just saying that its so frustrating when you're so clueless and you're like walking in darkness and not knowing a single shit of any sort.

And I got a little frustrated when working with my groupmates online, but its not that they're not cooperative or not doing they're work, but i think we all should just pay attention to what we're saying.
And just tell me in detail whats going on okay cos I can be slow at times and I don't understand whats going on.

askljalgkajglkajg

i just wanna scream profanities sometimes, but the easiest way?
Just cry it out man.

wow no shit, i should be carin's twin or something.
we're experiencing the same shit AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW,BLOGGER DID THE SAME SHIT TO HER.
DAMMIT.

I wonder if I did the right thing by choosing this course because when anyone passes comment on me being in this course just sticks to me, and it builds up and I turn and doubt myself.

All this design shit..
It can squeeze out your brain juice in a second flat, and i just feel so tired at times.
it can just take away your mental strength in a snap.
my left brain's gonna explode i guess.

*

Lynn says I'm putting too much pressure on myself.
Yeah she's right.
I don't wanna screw things up like I did in the past. I just want to start things on the right foot.
you think I wanna go around fucking with my own brain?
no i dont.

All I wanna do is try to graduate well and get into a good university and a degree and i'll rock the shit out of anyone who doubted me.
But sometimes the road can get so rocky, its pierces through your feet.
you can get so discouraged.. i dont know.
my throat's stuck.

well everyone's in this shithole anyway. so what the hell right?

11:24 p.m. - 2007-05-01

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