mizmich's Diaryland Diary
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Winding in,winding out
Remember my studying days?
Somehow all these thoughts keep swirling in my mind..
How things used to be and how it'll never be.
How sad it is that everyone's drifting apart,and how distant I feel from everyone all of a sudden.
Sometimes I wonder if studying was some form of therapy for me.
I could hide in my room and do it all day.
I could just read these things off my heart and regurgitate it on the piece of paper in the exam hall.
If only life was so simple sometimes..
You know, just a year ago around this month, we were sticking weird ass notes on people's bags and backs(YONGKANG!)
We were laughing like mad over this because he didn't even know what hit him(literally!)
My gay buddy who sat beside me in class.
My hardhardhardworking but really funny in her own way, Lina choooo
Misha who sat on my other side.. Who somehow is close to me in some ways.. and we're like,distant good friends or smth.
The kickass girl in our class whom many admire, Milli(she's working in ngee ann's pull and bear btw)
Jeanie who has been my bestfriend for ages.
Ha, LJ's last min cny shopping trip!
(eh I cant post so many people's pics ok.and i'll never stop until i dedicate one paragraph to each one of you.its called laziness)
I know its so silly reminiscing the past..
But somehow it just hits you huh?
That day, it was like, the wind just smack me in the face and whispered to me,"Hey you're turning 18 next year."
Wow. 18.
I'm not even acting my age.
And I'm turning semi-legal.
Its dangerous isn't it.
I'm treading on unsteady grounds somehow.
I'll be the first to admit, I don't miss my class as much as I thought I would.
Its complicated how I'm feeling.
But maybe I feel that its not time for me to grow up.
But time waits for no man.
Thats a fact I'll have to accept.
I've met with alot of controversies.
People doing things they said they wouldnt in the past.
People who are so ever ready to pinpoint the other parties' mistakes,but not theirs.
I've also come to realise that, its tiring and frightening to get to know a person more.
I'm afraid the more I get to know anyone, the more they'll see my flaws. and the more I'll see theirs.
And I wonder how long more would we last?
I don't like it when I'm just voicing out my opinion on something, and you know how crazy my mind is.
My thoughts come and go as quick as lightning.
Yes, all sorts of thoughts run through my head at the possibly worse timings, and its bad to let others know my thoughts.
Because they'd assume and they'd ruin everything.
They think I said this, and therefore, i am.
They take the words I say,twist it, add fuel to it, and then simply just tell tales about me.
There's something sad in everyone, and no, I'm not an emo kid.
In fact, I'm one of the happiest kid(kid..KID) that I know of.
Dammit, who wakes up in the morning and cheers at her own reflection or dance around in the room along to silence?
I'm sad about people walking in and out of our lives.
The friends I had.. I don't know where all they had gone too.
Busy with boyfriends. Busy with work. Busy with school.
And none ever much too free for me.
yeah maybe you'd tell me to go get a boyfriend and stop whining(then you should just shut up).
But isn't it completely HUMAN to feel this way?
To feel lonely at times even though you may be surrounded by so many?
You know I had it with superficiality.
And I'm glad I havent met anyone in SA with an inch of superficiality because all of them are just so real(or maybe its too early to say but I doubt it anyway).
Maybe this friday's reality check could slap me in the face,take me by the collar and just scream into my ears.
Don't tell me you'll be there for me or you love me or you miss me if you don't mean it.
I've lost friends along the way,and I think I'm slowly losing them.
Somehow my faith in people are dying, and I'll just pat myself on the back and say,"Hey, you've only got yourself at the end of the day anyway."
You know, I said maybe I got too caught up in my whole new circle of friends?
I think there's partial truth in it.
And dont anyone dare to use this sentence against me, because all of you are pretty much caught up in your own life, so don't try to push the blame of us not being close anymore to me and me only, because you played a part too.
I see through it all.
Let me slip away
To make you guys happier, here's to our effing r-tard pose.
9:03 p.m. - 2007-02-06
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