mizmich's Diaryland Diary

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Bitchy

I'm feeling bitchy.

So anyway, Yes you heard. I got posted to SAJC.
Eh sis, I'm not dumb kay. Don't underestimate me. hah!

I haven't been focussing on the negativity of the world maybe because I simply can't be bothered about it.
Like, my life is good right now, I don't need any of those shit.
In fact, what makes life good is that you concentrate all your energy on the positivity,so I'll be a cow and say, fuck the negativity!

Okay, wtf.

So anyway.. Yes I'm J-O-Bless. But I can't be bothered.
hahah I can feel a little of what maur's feeling. The "joy" of not having a job.
But really.. who needs a job right now?

1.I'm not desperate for money.
2.I can pass my time(albeit it being a useless past time)
3.I'm gonna work for the next forty years of my life
4.Man, this is my youth I'm savouring!I'll lose it soon so cherish it daawwwggg.

And you know, sometimes I take hours on end just to fall asleep because I've been too busy thinking about clothes and thinking where to get them at a bargain and look like a million dollars.
hahah like, i'm such an apple.

The rain's being sucha snake too.
Rain, shine, rain,shine.
Just like some people. tsk tsk
*wags finger*

I can't stop thinking about how selfish people can be. And then saying one thing and then doing another.
Oh yes, in case anyone misunderstands, I'm talking about generally.Why do I always have to explain myself?

All these negativity just creates one whole vicious cycle and everyone just wants to bite everyone else.
Just because they've been bitten themselves.

I'm also irked by the fact people are ALWAYS misunderstanding others, and then pointing fingers in some other directions other than themselves.
They think, oh I'm not at fault. you started it first.
Then didnt you play a part in the process after the whole "starting it first"?

I can never forget an incident where I got so misunderstood and my friendship with another was ruined.
And it was plain rubbish.
I explained myself, but of course, who would that friend trust?
The unreliable source of course!
Why would that person listen to what I say when the source is deemed more reliable.

I stood by what I said, and of course, the passerbys just stand by the side as usual and not want to have anything to do with it.
Like whatever.
ha.ha. You're so full of bananas anyway.
Blame it on your insecurities.

hahah okay, I cant seem to get angry at the world.
Maybe I'm just too happy-go-lucky for this.

There's so many types of people that I can easily diss, but yeah.. everyone's inevitably in one of those categories, including myself.
Depending from where you are viewing.

Anyway..
I did a good deed,and still am doing good deeds(oh the halo!) because..
I helped pangsai and lala :D
They're gonna get engaged in 2 years and I'm so excited for them.

I don't care if I may seem too absorbed into helping both of them, but i love my lala,and the situation is sad enough.
DAMN, maybe this is what makes me happy.
Happy to know love actually exists.

***

List ten things you want to say to ten random people, but you know you never will say these things to them. Don't say who the comment is meant for, and use people only once.(and neither am I gonna answer what's to who)

1. I love you so much, and I care so much for you.. But I just can't bring myself to say any of these. You'd probably just think I'm being plain weird, or that I think I'm gonna die any moment, but you're my life. I'll die if you die.

2.I love you so much too.. and the things you do for us everyday is something that no other person can make up for. I'll die if you die too. You're my life. And there's so much to thank you for, I can't say it. I can only sit there and look at you.

3.I want to help you sort out your life but you'd never allow me to. You'd shrug it off and say "Look, I have my life in total control". I'd look at you with sad eyes and I know, no one knows it better. Please take care of yourself because I don't see you often and I don't want to see you screw up your life no matter how much I tell myself to let you take full control of your own life. I wish you'd stop smoking. Stop being with that guy. Stop and take a look around.Don't be too absorbed in him, please.. please,just be more mature and think properly. Don't screw up because of one guy. I don't like it.I don't like one bit eversince you've got boyfriends.

4.I love you and I hope things go well. I don't want you to be upset and yes, i admit, sometimes I get irked a little by your negativity. Or the way your tone of your voice sounds sometimes. I like it when we're happy, just being bored and lonely and free. Freedom comes with a price and this is the price. I want you to know, I'm here and I hope you'd say the same to me. Take care of yourself and treat the people around you better.

5.The past is the past and your signals are confusing. Are you really over it, or are you still holding grudges? I think maybe you are.. but sometimes i believe you're not. Well, I wished that we'd be on better terms, but nope.You're full of insecurities but yet you just don't show it. but i guess.. Let's just move on.

6.I don't know whats going through your mind but I hope you'd stop acting the way you are. Stop trying to be something you're not. You confuse me with your thoughts and actions. What and who are you really? I dont know.Or maybe its because you're basically indecisive and have no stand or whatsoever. Why can't you heed your own advice and stop trying to act ignorant. Well,you're pretty clingy yourself but you'd like to think otherwise. I know you and maybe you dont. But... i'll move on.

7.I've just gotten to know you better and I'm pretty glad to say you are still who you are :) I know things can be doubtful sometimes, but stay with me.Just like you promised.

8.You and I have gone through rocky times and sometimes, i think i don't know you. But most of the times, I think we know each other in and out. You shared your deepest secrets with me and I haven't said a word since. You confuse me a whole lot. But something just keeps putting us together.. but yet i dont know whats going through your mind.Are you thinking what Im thinking?But i know you're there.

9.You are so the past and i want to erase you out of my memory.

10.I wanna know you..do you?

1:03 p.m. - 2006-12-15

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